2004/05/09
On hints
Here's a post that I deemed interesting enough to plagerize (with the author's permission). You can find the original post, titled "On hints" (2004/05/06, 12:47AM), here.
I'm not talking about hints as in "jen's blog sounds sorta odd, maybe there's 15 Caedmon's Call references hidden in it"... i'm talking about a lifestyle in which people always have to read between the lines to know what you're saying. Where what's NOT being said is more important than what IS. AND takes more listening for. I would just like to say... ABSURD! IT'S ALL ABSURD!
Ahem.
What are the advantages of a lifestyle of pointedly not saying exactly what you mean?
1. You don't have to be vulnerable. At all. You make people guess what you're feeling and thinking. And then THEY get hurt if they get it wrong, NOT you. And if they use their guesses against you... you just pretend they guessed wrong. Perfect security.
2. You have a built-in hierarchy, with you at the top. You force others to serve you if they want any sort of friendship or relationship.
3. There's a built-in level of disdain. Because OBVIOUSLY if they can't read you, they don't know you very well at all. Except that you never let them know you in the first place...
4. You can assume that everyone lives by the same rules that you do. Which makes everything easier. Except that they don't... i mean, just because i know that anyone who's anyone plays with the napkin dispensers at Tim Hortons...
Ok, so basically, a lifestyle of veiled authenticity isn't really authenticity at all. It's just selfish, and it's going to hurt and confuse people. So stop it, all of you. And when i do it, stop me, too.
Granted, with some people you're going to have to be more pointed than others. With people that you know well enough, an off-hand reference to a situation might be all you need to do in order to completely communicate everything you need to. With others, you could spell it out for them, and it might still be an enigma. But that's not the point. The point is, are you willing to let someone know if there's something wrong? Communicate in a way that they understand, not simply a way that you're comfortable with? Are you willing to be upfront with who you are? Are you willing to stick your neck out once in a while, for their sake?